Which is worse: a micromanager or a hands-off manager?

My first boss, Colleen, was a micromanager. She had a reputation in our department for having her hands too deep in everyone's work. We’d collectively groan about her in the break room.

We worked in an open office plan and every time she walked by my desk she would make a comment about what I was working on. My whole body would tense up as my shoulders rose up to my ears. I felt like I was constantly being watched.

When I left that job, I knew two things: I wanted to be a leader and I didn't want to be a leader like her.

***

It took me a full year at my new job to stop flinching when my new boss, Jill, walked by my desk. She was the complete opposite of Colleen. From day one, she handed me a big project and said, "I know you can figure it out." I felt trusted in a whole new way.

Trusted, yes, but with all that space to figure it out, I soon felt out to sea.

My first responsibility was to coordinate our full office move from one location to a new space. Jill gave me a ballpark date, picked up her bag, and breezed through the door to meet one of our organization's funders for lunch. I didn't have a budget, a timeline, or contacts.

In the coming weeks, I'd try to approach Jill with questions as she swooped in and out of the office, but she seemed to constantly be in motion. So I set to work to prove myself. I could handle this level of trust, for sure! With the help of a rough-around-the-edges moving company owner named Chuck, I planned for a month and a half and pulled off the move right on schedule.

***

At the end of moving day, I trudged back to my apartment, exhausted and sweaty. I may have pulled off the project, but I didn't feel proud or accomplished at all. I felt hallowed out, pushed over the edge.

My doorbell rang and I dragged myself up to answer it. A delivery person stood there holding a large floral arrangement. Stunned, I brought it in to my kitchen table and read the note: "Great job! - Jill." I slumped into a chair, put my head on the table, and burst into tears.

I know those flowers were meant as recognition and appreciation, but they felt more like a punch to the gut. I didn't need flowers. I needed support and direction.

When I became a manager, I vowed, I would be different.

***

It turns out that getting the balance between micromanaging and hands-off managing was a lot harder than I anticipated.

That's what I wrote about in my most recent article for Harvard Business Review, where I offer three red flags 🚩 🚩 🚩 that you're leaning too far to either direction—and what you can do to offer your team the support and direction they need to succeed.