Insecurity & Leadership

I have a new puppy / sidekick / coworker named Rosie. She's an adorable, quickly-growing, rescue beagle/terrier mix, and she is my first dog ever. What does having a dog have to do with leadership? As it turns out—everything.

I have been timid around dogs my whole life. Many a time, I've been scolded by dog owners for acting insecure around their pets. "They're picking up on your energy," I was told as I backed into a corner, "and it's making them nervous!" Their nervousness resulted in anything from keeping a suspicious eye on me to acting downright aggressive. I avoided these situations as much as I could. Up to about a month ago, I walked a carefully-constructed loop around my neighborhood that avoided as many yards with dogs as possible.

And then came Rosie.

As a puppy, she's mistaken my ankles for a chew toy one too many times, and we brought in an in-home dog trainer to show us the way. When Jenny showed up at our door, she marched right into our living room and immediately took charge of the space. She was an imposing women with her own branded uniform and a southern drawl. I watched her confidence and command with awe.

Of all the things she taught us—training tricks, how our daughter can play safely with the dog, and how to keep her from jumping up on everything—the most powerful lesson I took away was something absolutely simple: she taught me how to pick up my dog.

When Rosie gets all worked up and nippy, I've been at a loss, flailing and a little panicky. Jenny demonstrated how I can wrap one arm under Rosie's belly and put my hand under her jaw, so that I can be in control until she settles down. It buys me some time to figure out what to do next and helps Rosie know that she's safe and I'm in charge.

When it was my turn to try, Jenny said, "Take a deep breath, and tell yourself: 'I'm going to pick up my dog now.'" This has become a shorthand for me in all kinds of situations now.

When we show up as leaders, it's not just our words that matter—our team picks up on our energy as well. Insecure energy sparks nervousness in those around us.

Many leaders don't allow themselves to feel secure unless they know what to do in every situation and have every answer to every question. <-- This is an impossible, unrealistic, unattainable standard. Leadership is not about "knowing it all."

Here's what it actually means to be a secure leader: to operate from a strong foundation, knowing the values that you stand for and the strengths that you and your team bring to the table. It means shoring up your confidence to grip the situation and help others feel safe as you take a beat, draw upon your collective resources, and move forward.

So before you do anything, take a deep breath and say to yourself: I'm going to pick up my dog now.