So many of the folks I coach are going through changes right now—one just gave her notice in order to start her own business, another is starting a brand new job after being at his last organization for eight years, and another is leading his team through a major change in structure.

Change is a major part of our work lives. We need to get better at navigating it. Let’s explore a simple model that helps us understand the structure of change and how we move through it.

One of my clients is in the process of earning her graduate degree in organizational leadership and learning.

She’s taking a course this summer on leadership development, and she shared with me that the course materials included a list of 45 must-have core skills for leaders. She wondered about my take on the topic.

My eyes bugged out of my head for a second.

I definitely have a take: 45 core skills for leaders is an impossible standard. It sets all leaders up for failure. It’s unwieldy and overwhelming. And it puts leadership in a place where it will always be just out of reach.

My own leadership philosophy took a while to crystallize, but it's quite simple…

Toughing through the hard stuff is part of our work as mission-driven leaders. But too often, we push it too far.

We hold resilience up as a virtue that we all need more of—we are rewarded for muscling through, for sacrificing in service of the mission.

Here’s how we’re getting the meaning of resilience wrong, and a more useful definition that supports sustainable leadership…

When I found myself at a career crossroads two years ago, I polled about 85 people for their opinions on what I should do. I had been climbing the ladder in my organization for seven years—through five job titles—and had reached the point where something needed to shift. The problem was, I wasn’t sure what to shift: Do I scale back my hours? Advocate to reshape my role? Find another role in a larger nonprofit? Finally launch my own business?

I asked friend after mentor after trusted colleague for their guidance. Since I was feeling so wobbly about the decision within myself, I was stuck in a spin of wanting someone to tell me exactly what to do. But after the 85th conversation, I realized: no one could make this decision except for me. And I had no idea of how to do that.

Decision-making is central to the modern career landscape. That means that we’re in the driver’s seat; we are the decider of where we’re going. That gives us a lot of freedom to explore, follow our interests and talents, and grow in exciting ways. But it’s also a huge responsibility to be in control of our own paths. It means that we’re making more decisions than ever before—and we need to get better at making those choices. Here’s how.