Proving yourself won't make you a great leader

When one of my clients was 24 years old, he worked in a consulting firm under three leaders with advanced degrees.

He was young, green, and not as well-educated—but he was driven and wanted so badly to prove himself as a worthy and valuable member of the team. 

So he transformed himself into a Swiss Army knife and became the go-to guy for every problem and question. 

He’s in his 40's now, and he’s grown into a skilled, strategic, transformational leader who’s the trusted right hand man to a high-level policy official in the education sector. 

The thing is—he’s still working like he’s 24 with everything to prove. 

• He takes on every project that's thrown at him and makes himself essential to every part of his organization.

• He keeps a tight hold on the work, constantly checking email, never taking a day off, and choosing to do it all himself rather than asking for help from others. 

• He’s motivated by a deep sense of fear and anxiety. He's got to be perfect. He's got to deliver.

These are all part of an old story, one that no longer applies to who he is a professional today. He's not 24 anymore. 

When he came to me for coaching, he felt frustrated and exhausted in his current work but confused about how to move forward.

It was clear that no matter how great his next job would be, if he didn't change his approach to his work, he'd end up with the same result: running himself into the ground.

He didn't realize that he was letting an old story from his early work dictate who he is today—until now.

We worked together to very consciously write new stories—stories that are true for where he is now—to guide the next phase of his work:

➡ Now, he's working not to prove himself, but to improve the work. 

➡ Now, he makes strategic choices about where to invest his time and energy.

➡ Now, he chooses projects that challenge him to learn and cultivates a capable team to delegate to.

➡ Now, he's proactive, operating from a sense of purpose rather than a place of fear. 

All of this adds up to a greater sense of trust in himself, mindsets that support and advance the work rather than hold it back, and a workflow that he can sustain long-term.

And it's a good thing—because we all need him to be at his best. He has so much to contribute to the challenges our educators and students are facing right now.

We need you to be at your best, too.

- What's an old story from early in your career, and how is it affecting your work today?

- If you are early in your career, what's a story that you hope to let go of?

- What new and true rule could replace that old story?