Guest Post: The Core Value That Surprised Me Most
At Penney Leadership, we often ask clients what surprised them most about their answers in a Career Navigation assignment. The first thing that pleasantly surprised me about the Values Assignment was how effective it was at allowing me to quickly home in on 4 words that resonate as my core values–the beacons of light that guide my life journey with fulfillment, meaning, and purpose.
Self-assessment tools were my JAM when I was completing my master’s degree in higher education specializing in career development for college students, but I always felt like something was missing– especially when it came to values discernment.
Penney Leadership’s Values tool taps into an inner knowledge - uncovering important information that’s been there all along, waiting to be discovered, rather than answering a bunch of questions and getting a few generic answers like a quiz in Cosmo Magazine.
Going into the assignment, I was really intimidated. I thought: “How in the world can I POSSIBLY narrow this down to 3-5 of my top values, when I have about 537 words that feel equally important to me?” I was relieved to discover this new approach to values walked me through a process that is more helpful than anything I’ve done before. In the end, four words popped out to me, yet I was also able to incorporate all of the other important values that I didn’t want to leave behind.
The first three words that emerged felt like no-brainers. As a career coach, it’ll probably come as no shock to you that three of my core values are engagement, purpose, and connection. My fourth core value is grit, and here’s why I wasn’t expecting it:
At first, I really wasn’t quite sure WHY it surprised me since I’ve always valued so much of what I associate with this word: hard work and effort over innate intelligence, the journey over the destination–essentially what Carol Dweck explains as a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. Yet I was still surprised when this came out as one of my top 4 values. So I took some time to try to figure out why “grit” surprised me. Three realizations have allowed me to understand this value, and to step into the next level of my leadership.
1. Grit and privilege: As a white, straight, cis-gendered, able bodied, financially secure, Christian woman, I’m hyper aware that I walk through the world with a high level of privilege that really doesn’t require much grit comparative to so many other people.
At the same time, our patriarchal society constantly reminds me of the ways that being a female presents many systemic challenges (both large and small) that my male counterparts never even realize are a privilege to them. This requires grit.
Juggling the competing demands of motherhood and career requires grit. Pivoting careers takes grit. Today’s divisive world requires grit from each of us in our own unique ways. There’s an infinite supply of it; someone else’s level of grit does not detract from your own.
The people I respect and admire most have exemplified grit and grace in the face of significant challenges. Our values reflect not only the way we see ourselves, but the way we see the world.
2. Is grit synonymous with aggressive?: I realized I’ve been unfairly associating GRIT with “aggressive.” As a woman in the workplace, the latter word has so much weight. More times than I’d like to admit, I’ve been referred to as aggressive, headstrong, or not knowing when to back down. This feedback has even come from a female supervisor who urged me to comply with the strategy that brought her success at the institution: “Don’t push back and be sure to agree with what the higher ups want, even if it conflicts with your ethics.”
And yet! I couldn’t help but notice that my male colleagues who voiced their dissenting ideas and opinions were consistently applauded and promoted because of their innovative ideas and strong leadership skills.
As a result, I worked hard to tone down what could be perceived as aggressive in the workplace. To soften my delivery while downplaying any emotions that could be misconstrued. So when grit emerged as a core value, a voice in the back of my mind (oh hello, inner critic) said “Caution! People will think you’re aggressive and stubborn!”
You might be wondering if this value was inspired by the New York Times bestseller “Grit” by Angela Duckworth. Admittedly, it's one I’ve been wanting to read for YEARS yet I’ve never gotten around to reading it. So then why haven’t I prioritized it?
I was instantly transported to the person who introduced me to the book–the same female supervisor who told me that I should tone down my “aggressive” tendencies.
I’ve come to realize I’ve been unfairly associating this book with that low point in my self-confidence as a female leader in the workplace, and the fear of being perceived as aggressive. Shame on me for letting one person stifle the exploration of something so central to my values! Note to self: move this book to the top of my reading list!
3. Grit vs. Grind: I’ve also subconsciously viewed grit as that part of you that lets you bang your head against a wall and not know when to quit. Another part of me saw grit as something I’d be lacking if I quit something I cared about. So which is it–knowing when to quit, or sticking it out when the going gets rough? It turns out, it’s both! There are many components of grit, which makes it really complicated to understand:
“Part of grit is being resilient, part of grit is being really interested in what you’re doing, and part of grit is feeling like what you’re doing is aligned with your core values…Perspective taking is important to resilience.”~Dr. Angela Duckworth
I highly recommend listening to the full conversation between Dr. Duckworth and another brilliant social scientist, Dr. Brené Brown. In it, both of these women embrace their very circuitous career paths, and attribute those moments of pivoting to something that actually helped them build grit, and come closer to living in alignment with their unique purpose. They also discuss an important distinction between GRIT vs. GRIND, which I touched on in the description of my Professional Detours:
“People who have a ton of grit walk away from stuff often. They’re not afraid to say, 'This is not working. This is not what I thought. I’m changing course. I’m pivoting. I’m letting this go.' Grind is much more externally focused than grit. Grit is 'this is about me, this is about my grit, this is about'...Grind is 'what will people think?'" ~Brené Brown
In 2021, I made one of the most difficult decisions of my life and quit a job I loved, an organization I cherished, colleagues I respected and admired. What I’ve come to realize is that I made this difficult decision to walk away not in spite of grit, but BECAUSE of it. Grit gave me the courage to do everything that was in my power to make positive change at the organization. Grit is also what gave me the courage and confidence to know when to walk away with my head held high.
Grit gives you power and confidence to push to the extent where you can make change within your sphere of influence. Grit is also confidence to walk away when pushing and fighting is detrimental to your health and well-being.
Integrity and our values:
It’s no etymological coincidence that grit is central to inteGRITy. Brené Brown’s definition of integrity sums it up beautifully:
“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy. It’s more than just naming our values. It’s living according to our values.”
Her TedTalk on the Anatomy of Trust (hint: integrity is a key piece) literally changed the trajectory of my life, and led me to Penney Leadership. I have this 1-pager printed out in my office for quick reference, and I hope you find it as helpful as I do for both my personal and professional relationships.
Jessica’s Values Map
Defining our values and understanding the times when they show up for us feels incredibly empowering. Diving deeper into the thoughts that our inner critic may have told us over the years about the way we don’t live up to these values, or the ways that others might judge us for them is perhaps the most challenging but powerful way to increase our confidence and our ability to live in close alignment with our values.
What are your core values, and what are some of the ways you’ve been judging them? Uncovering the answers to these deeper questions is key to stepping into the next level of your leadership journey.
