Five Lessons Learned from My Quitting Journey
One of my clients anonymously shares her quitting journey, including five key takeaways that can guide your next job transition.
In 2019, I graduated from college and moved to a new state for my first full time job. The position was at a small consulting company, and my role was Project Manager. I was excited about this job because it combined many of my interests, and I loved the collaborative team environment of a small company.
However, only six months in, my "dream job" was not going according to plan.
What had originally excited me about the role - interesting, challenging projects and working on a team - had become unclear expectations, impossible timelines, and difficult relationship dynamics. Any semblance of a professional boundary was quickly eroding as I was increasingly dragged into personal and relational issues among the leadership team.
Work was beginning to take over all of my free time and mental space, and I was routinely receiving work related phone calls and emails in the middle of the night and on weekends. This being my first full time job, I wasn't exactly sure what "normal" workplace culture should look like, but this felt far from it.
I tried to communicate my apprehension to my boss on multiple occasions. I was hopeful that we could find a middle ground and re-establish healthy boundaries and patterns of communication. But after many conversations, nothing seemed to change.
Instead, I was slowly starting to normalize the toxic culture I was working in. I kept trying to rationalize it. I always told myself, "things will get better once this particular project ends" or "things will get better when we hire one more person." These rationalizations helped me to hold on and not face the fear I had of quitting.
Quitting scared me for a number of reasons.
I had moved for this job. A new job would likely mean a new location, and I did not want to start over again.
I was scared that I wouldn't find another opportunity I was excited about. And if I did, how would anyone ever hire someone who had just quit a job after less than a year? (For some reason I had it stuck in my head that I needed to last at least one year in this position to look like a committed employee!)
I was afraid of looking like a failure.
I was afraid of letting down my co-workers who would need to pick up even more slack with me leaving.
I was afraid of the actual moment of quitting - how would my bosses react? How would I handle it?
I remember one morning in the winter, I was walking into work, and I stopped on my walk in and noticed the distinct feeling of dread inside me as I prepared to enter my office. It felt so different from my first week of work when I was filled with hope and anticipation.
I realized that I had no energy left to be a positive contributor. I felt like I was dragging myself through work weeks in a constant storm of anxiety. At this point, I could not keep having the same conversations with no change. I knew that it was useless to keep waiting for this job to become the dream job I had hoped for. I needed to make a change myself.
So how did the change happen? I will tell you it felt like a scary, impossible leap to take. I was starting to picture myself moving on to a new job in a healthy work environment, but I had no idea how to get from point A to point B.
Here are five lessons I learned on my quitting journey:
Get outside input. This was crucial for me. I worked with Carole Ann, a few family members, and a close family friend who I consider a professional mentor. I was never going to have the boldness to take this leap on my own, but each of these people played a role in encouraging me, validating my perspective, and talking me through how to leave well.
Make a plan. For me, this involved drafting and editing a resignation letter, planning out exactly what I would say in the moment when I quit, and finally, planning the timing of when I would give my two weeks notice. "Quit day" arrived with a tsunami of anxiety and emotions. Thankfully, I was not searching for words or second guessing my decision because I was focused on reciting my prepared lines. Planning my words helped me to keep things simple, clear, and concise.
Recognize that from a personal standpoint, quitting is messy. It is a bit like going through a break-up. Especially at a small company, quitting felt personal and difficult to navigate. It was important for me to give myself time and space to process leaving and to heal from the experience.
Shift your mindset. Talk about quitting in terms of what you are moving towards, not what you are running away from. It felt like there were many reasons I was running away, but it was far more helpful to define what I was running towards. I knew that I wanted to find an industry position where I could use my skills in a way that I was missing. I also knew that I wanted to be a part of a larger company that offered opportunities for continued growth and professional development, and I knew I wanted to move closer to my family and friends. When I articulated these things, I stopped feeling ashamed of quitting. I no longer felt like I was running away as a failure, I felt empowered to make bold decisions that would bring me closer to my personal and professional goals. This also enabled me to speak to potential future employers in a positive way, to make my career move sound intentional, and to avoid bad-mouthing my former employer in interviews and networking calls.
Focus on what you’ve learned. During the process of quitting, I was tempted to throw myself a pity party because I felt like I had just wasted a year of my life. But that was not true. Every experience offers valuable lessons. Even if what I learned was how to deal with difficult people and work under pressure, I still gained something that I would take with me into my next experience. If nothing else, I definitely had sharper discernment when looking for the next job.
After I worked through the messiness of quitting, I started a job search with very clear objectives. I knew that I wanted a company with defined roles, supportive leadership, and a healthy company culture. After leaving my first job, I was uniquely equipped to be articulate in tense situations, to manage my time well, to give and receive difficult feedback, and I had a deep appreciation for a healthy, collaborative company culture.
I have now been in my new position for over a year and I couldn't be happier. I wish I could tell my former self that there is joy on the other side of quitting! Don't believe the lie that you won't find another experience that you are excited about. You will! There are many companies and teams out there who will value what you bring to the table.
